Spirit Bear

by Haverford

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about

One year after Wisdom Lost.
A compiling of emotions, happenings, and all of our best efforts.
Discover new things with headphones.

credits

released September 3, 2013

Haverford is

Aaron Masih
Anthony Stano
Billy Mannino
Connor Ramert
Mark Masterson

Recorded and Mixed by: Billy Mannino & Mastered by: Azimuth
Album Art Photo: Kristen Ecker & Editing by: Charlie Mertens

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license

all rights reserved

about

Haverford

Long Island, New York

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Track Name: Anxious
I can't get comfortable in my surroundings, it's kind of hard when reality and dreams have compounded

Not sure I believe my reality, the things I might perceive, I'm just weak

I know there's patterns around me
Track Name: Memo
I spend too much time with my thoughts
I spend too much time alone

I lost sight of what matters, trapped myself out here in this abandoned home

Let me retreat from the boundaries I made in my mind
I'm sick of being stuck in bad dreams, they keep me confined

There used to be clarity as well as common sense as opposed to constant belligerence
There were times where I'd relax, I want them back

I would rest and feel refreshed, momentary escape from feeling stressed
My worries consolidate and press and I'll wear out in the end

You never really win
You never really can
Track Name: I No Longer Am
I'm still
I've stopped waiting

I'm probably too still, a consequence of silence I'm creating
Let my thoughts consume my mind, my own body betrayed me, it took the hope from my life

Now I'm afraid to face most things
I'm not sure what I want, is it tomb stones or wedding rings?
Cowardice keeps me from that light, so I remain, trapped by my dull life

There were never any problems; only mutations in my brain
They ruined my existence, taking everything over with pain

I'm still
I've stopped waiting around
I'm probably too still
It's a consequence of always keeping silence around

Lost interest in habits of sleep; a harsh reality in favor of my dreams
This day will never end
I can't stop the emptiness from pounding in my head
Track Name: Please Just Know
I wish I could make my words read like a book but they're hollow and they don't linger around the way they should

And I'd like to say something that means anything to anyone besides me

I want a way with words less like a plague or a curse
I want to say I have a gift

I want to see them reverberate, emancipate and make some spirits lift
I do

But I always ramble through my innermost thoughts in which I see incoherence is ample and I lack ability

I need to refocus, learn to forget about shortcomings and expectations I still haven't met

Or accept my faults and how I'll never understand

I'll never understand
Track Name: Seal Mountain
I imagine this is how it feels to die
To want nothing more than to close your eyes

But What's yearning without tossing and turning?
And what's it feel like to realize a dream and not be haunted by its recurring?

I shouldn't ponder after things I'm not prepared for
I should maintain this low standard and just be careful

Things are bad enough as is, where the only problem is myself
But right now I'm ready to collapse under the weight of someone else

I know there's distance but most of it is on my end
I'm unstable, I need something more permanent

I shouldn't ponder after things I know I'm not prepared for
I should maintain this low standard and just be careful

I feel detached, I fear I'm boring, but maybe when I get back we'll go exploring
Track Name: Blankets
I want to lose more of myself
Disinherit a nature, the root of everything I've ever felt

But I've never been adept at shedding attachments
Scared I'll disembody voidness and I'll find there's nothing left for me to be

Found God in my thoughts
There's no getting past this loss

Confounded my thoughts
There's no getting past this loss
Track Name: Nested, Sinking
Why do I always feel like I'll never be complete
I change and shift, can't shake this perspective

I'm still the same person underneath

I wanna take a more whimsical approach
But there's far too much I know and even more that I don't

I'm done imploding with disdain
I'm getting sick of hearing myself constantly complain

I'm still the same underneath

Cultivate the soil you'll still find a stunted seed
There's no missteps, just regress

I found comfort, not sanity
Track Name: Whiskey
Seek escape, find a place where nobody knows your name
Be recluse, be alone, you can choose to lose your phone

But you'll still feel the same
You'll always feel the same

Because the only thing I know is your mistakes follow where ever you go

In your head make believe you've felt things besides defeat
Ignore the red, move forward past the water that you tread
Make believe you don't feel dead

You could make that choice, change inflection and how you use your voice, try and make some real noise

But you'll never get out, forever feel a black cloud
Because the only thing I know is your mistakes follow where ever you go

I should go
Track Name: Berth
I sense collapse
Things are moving forward but I'm still not done with the past

I don't sleep sound
I tend to dwell in my memory where I would look up to now
And I let myself down

Just want to see
The world outside my brain, outside my body
So when I die I can say I was once alive

I don't exemplify what I'd hoped but I can't promise that I tried
But when I die
I'd like to say I was once alive
Track Name: Berth II
I'm half the man I'm supposed to be
I took the time to avoid risk in manipulating destiny

Things don't pan out, I need change now but how can I be anybody else but me?
I strive to be anybody else but me

Alive and well but I still can't breathe
I'm in hell and I just can't leave

I drift through
Hoping nobody will hold me to the things I promised that I'd do
I just hope that what I leave for you is something more than just to misconstrue

Why can't I believe in something?
Nothing grows from inaction or a total lack of passion
I want to follow through

But I drift through
Hoping nobody will hold me to the things I promised that I'd do
I hope that what I leave for you is something more than just to misconstrue

Maybe one day I'll follow through
Track Name: Flowers
She said
"Don't leave me in drought, but don't oversaturate the ground or you'll leave me wilted like you are right now"

I just want to know what to do

I just want to see you bloom
Not fall asleep inside your room

But I can't take care
I just sit back and water the flowers, wonder why you're not still there
I swear I had you in my reach
I crushed your petals and I plucked your leaves

I was too caught up in your bloom
When I'd fall asleep inside your room

Now there are things I might like to forget
Like how I left you for another kind of bed
I let this grow outside my head
it just made things harder to forget

You make things harder to forget

As long as I'm alone you'll always have power over me
And I have none
So just leave the flowers on my body, because I'm rotting
I'm always rotting
So just leave the flowers on my body because I'm rotting and I want something to remember it by
Track Name: A Slow Unraveling
I'm sick, there's no quell
The kind of sick where you wind up in a hospital

I'm scared
You're in my head
The kind of thoughts that you wish you'd never had

I can feel your pull
You left malignancies in my pulse

With your wave there's no swell
Just crash and break and when it hit I could never tell

I just want to have some pull
I just want to have control

I'm sick, there's no quell
I'm scared I'll find home in a hospital

I can feel it in my bones
It's in my loss of self control

This hold is my hell
I'm scared I'll find home in a hospital
I just want to have some pull





I hear rings but no bell
Steady whispers have since built to a constant yell
It's like I took that leap but I never fell