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Spirit Bear

by Haverford

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1.
Anxious 03:06
I can't get comfortable in my surroundings, it's kind of hard when reality and dreams have compounded Not sure I believe my reality, the things I might perceive, I'm just weak I know there's patterns around me
2.
Memo 02:32
I spend too much time with my thoughts I spend too much time alone I lost sight of what matters, trapped myself out here in this abandoned home Let me retreat from the boundaries I made in my mind I'm sick of being stuck in bad dreams, they keep me confined There used to be clarity as well as common sense as opposed to constant belligerence There were times where I'd relax, I want them back I would rest and feel refreshed, momentary escape from feeling stressed My worries consolidate and press and I'll wear out in the end You never really win You never really can
3.
I'm still I've stopped waiting I'm probably too still, a consequence of silence I'm creating Let my thoughts consume my mind, my own body betrayed me, it took the hope from my life Now I'm afraid to face most things I'm not sure what I want, is it tomb stones or wedding rings? Cowardice keeps me from that light, so I remain, trapped by my dull life There were never any problems; only mutations in my brain They ruined my existence, taking everything over with pain I'm still I've stopped waiting around I'm probably too still It's a consequence of always keeping silence around Lost interest in habits of sleep; a harsh reality in favor of my dreams This day will never end I can't stop the emptiness from pounding in my head
4.
I wish I could make my words read like a book but they're hollow and they don't linger around the way they should And I'd like to say something that means anything to anyone besides me I want a way with words less like a plague or a curse I want to say I have a gift I want to see them reverberate, emancipate and make some spirits lift I do But I always ramble through my innermost thoughts in which I see incoherence is ample and I lack ability I need to refocus, learn to forget about shortcomings and expectations I still haven't met Or accept my faults and how I'll never understand I'll never understand
5.
I imagine this is how it feels to die To want nothing more than to close your eyes But What's yearning without tossing and turning? And what's it feel like to realize a dream and not be haunted by its recurring? I shouldn't ponder after things I'm not prepared for I should maintain this low standard and just be careful Things are bad enough as is, where the only problem is myself But right now I'm ready to collapse under the weight of someone else I know there's distance but most of it is on my end I'm unstable, I need something more permanent I shouldn't ponder after things I know I'm not prepared for I should maintain this low standard and just be careful I feel detached, I fear I'm boring, but maybe when I get back we'll go exploring
6.
Blankets 02:04
I want to lose more of myself Disinherit a nature, the root of everything I've ever felt But I've never been adept at shedding attachments Scared I'll disembody voidness and I'll find there's nothing left for me to be Found God in my thoughts There's no getting past this loss Confounded my thoughts There's no getting past this loss
7.
8.
Why do I always feel like I'll never be complete I change and shift, can't shake this perspective I'm still the same person underneath I wanna take a more whimsical approach But there's far too much I know and even more that I don't I'm done imploding with disdain I'm getting sick of hearing myself constantly complain I'm still the same underneath Cultivate the soil you'll still find a stunted seed There's no missteps, just regress I found comfort, not sanity
9.
Whiskey 02:26
Seek escape, find a place where nobody knows your name Be recluse, be alone, you can choose to lose your phone But you'll still feel the same You'll always feel the same Because the only thing I know is your mistakes follow where ever you go In your head make believe you've felt things besides defeat Ignore the red, move forward past the water that you tread Make believe you don't feel dead You could make that choice, change inflection and how you use your voice, try and make some real noise But you'll never get out, forever feel a black cloud Because the only thing I know is your mistakes follow where ever you go I should go
10.
Berth 02:26
I sense collapse Things are moving forward but I'm still not done with the past I don't sleep sound I tend to dwell in my memory where I would look up to now And I let myself down Just want to see The world outside my brain, outside my body So when I die I can say I was once alive I don't exemplify what I'd hoped but I can't promise that I tried But when I die I'd like to say I was once alive
11.
Berth II 03:38
I'm half the man I'm supposed to be I took the time to avoid risk in manipulating destiny Things don't pan out, I need change now but how can I be anybody else but me? I strive to be anybody else but me Alive and well but I still can't breathe I'm in hell and I just can't leave I drift through Hoping nobody will hold me to the things I promised that I'd do I just hope that what I leave for you is something more than just to misconstrue Why can't I believe in something? Nothing grows from inaction or a total lack of passion I want to follow through But I drift through Hoping nobody will hold me to the things I promised that I'd do I hope that what I leave for you is something more than just to misconstrue Maybe one day I'll follow through
12.
Flowers 04:25
She said "Don't leave me in drought, but don't oversaturate the ground or you'll leave me wilted like you are right now" I just want to know what to do I just want to see you bloom Not fall asleep inside your room But I can't take care I just sit back and water the flowers, wonder why you're not still there I swear I had you in my reach I crushed your petals and I plucked your leaves I was too caught up in your bloom When I'd fall asleep inside your room Now there are things I might like to forget Like how I left you for another kind of bed I let this grow outside my head it just made things harder to forget You make things harder to forget As long as I'm alone you'll always have power over me And I have none So just leave the flowers on my body, because I'm rotting I'm always rotting So just leave the flowers on my body because I'm rotting and I want something to remember it by
13.
I'm sick, there's no quell The kind of sick where you wind up in a hospital I'm scared You're in my head The kind of thoughts that you wish you'd never had I can feel your pull You left malignancies in my pulse With your wave there's no swell Just crash and break and when it hit I could never tell I just want to have some pull I just want to have control I'm sick, there's no quell I'm scared I'll find home in a hospital I can feel it in my bones It's in my loss of self control This hold is my hell I'm scared I'll find home in a hospital I just want to have some pull I hear rings but no bell Steady whispers have since built to a constant yell It's like I took that leap but I never fell

about

One year after Wisdom Lost.
A compiling of emotions, happenings, and all of our best efforts.
Discover new things with headphones.

credits

released September 3, 2013

Haverford is

Aaron Masih
Anthony Stano
Billy Mannino
Connor Ramert
Mark Masterson

Recorded and Mixed by: Billy Mannino & Mastered by: Azimuth
Album Art Photo: Kristen Ecker & Editing by: Charlie Mertens

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Haverford

Long Island, New York

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